Sunday, January 01, 2006
January 1st 2006.... (secara x rasminya..i am 22 huhuuuu)
There goes 2005. There goes my 1st year as a dental student (ooh yes..i passed..all praise to Allah). There goes my 1st year in oz. Looking back, its a wonder what i have undergone, and what Allah have made me to discover throughout 2005. A year ago, it never occured in my slightest mind of what were waiting ahead of me, neither would i have believed if someone happened to tell me.
Recap. Feb 2005. I arrived in Melbourne. Happy, cheerful and contented, believing i was one of the luckiest people on earth. I had everything life has to offer (kononnye). Only one aim was in my mind= to further complete the completeness in my life by getting this BDSc degree and bring home the title 'cik gigi' (he he hehh).
It took me just a few days later to realise that it was not thaaat easy. Ooohhh life was so harsh. Realising the shortness in my bank account, i had to make a few sacrifices and new arrangements. That was the time when determination was high up. I had to learn to live with that shortness. Had to buy $5 pillow in reject shop, trying hard to find the cheapest bed, wardrobe (which resulted in me having no wardrobe at all), mattress and whatnot, even spending $2 for laundry basket pon berkire tahap golek2, and i had to cycle to uni (still remember the first day, when i nearly fainted, and my friend was already muntah2 sbb too exhausted). Talking to one of my cycling companions few days back, we came to kagum kpd diri sendiri (muehehehe). And so she concluded, "those days...". Oh yes..those hard days. I dont think i would ever cycle that far again, to and fro, every single day!
Then there was time when i discovered my new fikrah. The fikrah that supposedly should have been discovered waaaayy back. I was already 21. Im still thankful to Allah, nevertheless, for it is better late than never. It is admitted (he he)that there was time i lari2 from usrah, being suspicious to that kakak bulat whose patience never fade in her struggle to tarbiyah us, anger and hatred burning inside me. May Allah forgive me. Hidayah Allah dtg juga. Pintu hati berkali2 diketuk. Theres a saying that goes, "answer to that knock Allah gives to your heart, for it might be the first and last knock. " It triggered me to think. But the jahiliyah shell however was rock-hard, my subtle effort could not break it.
It was not until winter 2005 when something really significant happened in my life (what was it really, cannot be made public, really sorry).I could say that was the point in my life where everything was turning to the other side (belit2...turning point lah tu). It was not until that moment where i felt the desperate need to cling onto a firm, steadfast 'something'. Alhamdulillahi katheera, Allah showed His way smoothly before me. Words cant describe how thankful i am for what he destined for me. These friends fillah, these housemates, this understanding for al-haq, this tarbiyah, this chance for participating in this 600years project which He did not hijabed my eyes from seeing,this profession i now embrace, this chance of joining the most profitable business. Thabbit qulubana ya Allah...
Everything was just beginning however. That shell i eventually managed to break is still in the process of peeling the itsy bitsy pieces away. I need support, and Allah gives the support here. I onced voiced my fear to go overseas, for i was afraid of the bad influences, and afraid of being swayed. Ironically, i now voice out the same concern, but the only thing that changed is that, i now fear to face the challenges in Malaysia. Huhu..im going home in 10 days. I dont think i'll be strong enough to face Malaysians, as much as thought i wasnt strong enough to face Aussies. But theres one thing for certain...i put all my faith in Him to hold me in His path. I believe He will 'guide' me as how He had guided me. Its the matter of me of wanting it or not... So there's no such thing when people say they arent obedient Muslims because they didnt get hidayah. Didnt get or dont want to get???
Its really tough for me. To leave behind all the jahiliyahs onced were my flesh and blood. It was and is never easy for me, and even for anybody. I loved listening to songs, but i know now songs i used to listen to are eating away my iman, so i had to stop it. I loved movies, fashion, my boyfriend, shin chan, merewang di shopping complex, hanging out eating coffee beans' ice blended, lagha talks, (go on and list it down)but i know vey well they are all not islamic, and will do me no good when i present my amal in front of Allah in the hereafter so i had to stop them, no matter how much i loved them. And i knew very well, how Allah told us to enter islam completely. COMPLETELY. "wahai org2 beriman, masuklah kamu ke dlm islam secara keseluruhannya, dan janganlah kamu turut jejak langkah syaitan. syaitan itu adalah musuh yg nyata bagimu." 2:208. Dont be narrow, we do have alternatives. Better ones indeed. Taknak songs, dengar la nasyeed. Nasyeed rap, RnB, balada, u name it. Cuma excuses yg selalunya membataskan manusia dr mbuat perubahan.
I could go on write, tp rasenye dh kuar topik '2005' nih.. hehe neway... i need to go and prepare for magrib prayer. So, need to pen down (or keyboard down?? =p) now.
p/s tak saba nak balik rumahhh hohhhooo =) =) my friends in malaysia... nantikan kemuculan semulaku muehehehe
~~*posted on*~~ Sunday, January 01, 2006
