Friday, December 07, 2007
Salam 'alaik
Alah loves KR.Allah loves KR. Allah loves KR. That is enough to explain everything. Is she dare to ask for anything more?
The room is overlooking the ever-busy Peel St. The traffic is bad, was horrible earlier, at this hour in the morning, which reminds KR: ah how nice to not having to face bad traffic in EVERY ride to uni anymore. Alhamdulillah. It IS one big bounty from Allah alhamdulillah. No excuse to be late for lectures anymore aite
The 7th of Dec. Results day, also 2 days away from KR's flight to Kuala Lumpur. KR has no heart for Malaysia at the mo. No, there's no sentiment against the country itself. All the preparations all these while, are for whom if not for Malaysia. Just the suffocating certainty, so to speak, at home. God knows how KR is dreading it. KR can't afford the newly rebuilt self to be stifled and retarded again, and it takes merely weeks, for God's sake. And guess how much effort and time spent to rebuild from the rubbles? Let's make a mind calculation of how things are going to be like when KR is finally to stay there for good. Not that it's going to be soon (God forbid) cause there's 2 more years before KR finishes the BDSc inshaAllah, but 2 years isn't that long is it? Distressing, that's how KR likes to describe it, and terrifying. Torn between the duty as a child (and provider to the family?) and a bigger responsibilty to the ummah. KR knows that there shouldn't be a conflict at all, as they are meant to walk in harmony side by side. Yes, maybe the shortcomings are within KR herself. Checked.
The laid-back air in Melbourne isn't much good. Unlike previous years, this summer is rather quiet. (This is one spur to go home. Maybe there are lots of 'things' to attend to in Alor Setar, KR is preparing the mind for them. Yayy let's get some 'job' to be done) Masa lapang boleh menjadi kelalaian, they say. KR could not deny. It's during the spare time when KR starts to make many useless thinkings, and by that KR means the thinking about herself. And when one starts to think about oneself, she ceases thinking about other people, she forgets about the far-fetched aim, becoming more and more self-centered. When a daie is jobless, she speaks and condemns and complains and moans, to no good.
There's this saying KR really loves in Ar-Raqaiq that condones us to tarbiyyah the soul to love highness, for that is the means to tarbiyyah the soul to detest lowness. Think less about yourself, but more of other people. Tarbiyyah yourself, your mindset, your paradigm to see yourself as the function of the ummah. Become someone useful to other people! (talk to the mirror) Tarbiyyah yourself to sacrifice and work towards the integrity of the ummah, for you are not casted into this world to just feed and live for yourself. As we can see how self-centered people are working like there's no tomorrow to fulfill their infinite needs and desperate hunger for the worldly-life, they will do ANYTHING for it. Then comes the world of materialistic, discrimination and suppression. People work for material, for the best job, the best position, the best house, the best car FOR OWN FAME. Isn't it painstakingly common for people to see you from what car you drive, what brand is your handbag etc, like if you're driving second-hand manual Wira and you wear baju kurung everywhere, people see you as second class citizen.
Now can we ask ourselves, with transparency, whether we are working hard for all these while just to fulfill our own desires? If, God-willing, they are fulfilled, are we actually happy with ourselves? KR sees how different people leading the same sort of life, but one can mysteriously be less happy than the other, or even the so-called 'less fortunate' (who understandably should be more distress) does actually lead a happier life than the 'more fortunate' counterpart. Sounds familiar? Happiness is not in worldly gains, if you could ever get this fact jammed in the head. It's true, proven by the experience in school of life, and life has taught KR tremendously.
(which brings KR back to the main issue) argghh rumah yang mengkeraskan hati dan mengkeringkan amal, if ever the people in the house could be less materialistic! Look how much KR has ranted, tutt tutt jobless daie...
On another note, of course there's always silver lining in every cloud. Yes, being home this summer provides KR with the first-time ever opportunity to taste the summer in Malaysia. Bile lagi kan. First year KR went home too late in January, last year didn't go back at all, should make the most of this year's summer! And also the first chance ever to go to akhawat's walimah. Yayy. (though there's maybe one walimah that KR would be able to attend, mom wasn't very happy even way before KR gets home with the idea of berjalan-jalan pergi kenduri orang) And there's my high school best friend getting married on the 15th, which KR couldn't miss. She's KR's classmate for 5 years in a row,for crying out loud, and how they grew up together from cranky 12 year-olds to a more mature version of cranky young ladies about 5 years later =p, KR could not miss her big day! Whatever mom says. Period. Ahh don't worry,not to the extent of turning anak derhaka.
Occay, there's finally a reason to be happy about going home ^_^
~~*posted on*~~ Friday, December 07, 2007
